VIDEO: “Why Am I Not Good Enough” poem (school project) by 7th grader Olivia Vella http://abc7.com/video/embed/?pid=2058723
We have been talking about broken people so I want to share with you some tweets by a girl on Twitter with the handle @queensuicide5. Her heart cries out through her tweets. I have chosen a few of them to give you just a small glimpse into the world that she lives in alone. Listen to her desperation and pain. Heartbreakingly, she is just one of thousands, hundreds of thousands, or perhaps millions who live in parallel worlds to hers. As the hands and feet of Jesus we must do our best to reach out to these broken people (one life at a time) and show them support and God’s love. Here are a few of her tweets: (Although this list is long, it only represents about a quarter of her tweets over this period of time. I know the list is long, but I wanted to paint for you a pretty complete picture of where she is at.)
-Nothing can shake this feeling of emptiness
-What did I ever do to deserve this?
-Its sad nobody ever knows how much someone is actually hurting… Someone right next to you could be completely broken and you wouldn’t know (retweet from @internallylost)
-I’m completely broken
-I can’t see the light anymore
-Why can’t someone love me?
-I can’t believe I’m like this
-Nothing was supposed to turn out this way
-The tears won’t stop
-I want things to go back to the way they were
-I lost myself a long time ago, I don’t know who i am anymore
-I’m never not disappointed in myself
-What even is the point anymore?
-Literally no one understands
-I’m drowning in my thoughts
-I don’t know how much worse it can get
-I just need a razor
-Nothing is okay anymore
-My only relief form my pain is pain
-When will the pain be gone
-I’m just trying to numb my emotions so I don’t hurt
-I can’t ever get better
-The darkness will never be too dark
-I don’t think happiness was meant for all people
-I’m not good enough
-Just want to get drunk and wasted to forget everything
-Why can’t I just be normal?
-I want to feel like I have a purpose
-Is it too hard to ask for just 1 person to love me unconditionally?
-Broken can’t be fixed
-Everybody hates me
-Why is everything my fault?
-I’m completely empty
-Why am I even here?
-I can’t do this
-What did I do wrong?
-If Jesus really rose today, why am I still hurting?
-My mom found my cuts. I’m dead
-Maybe what they said is true
-I will never amount to anything
-Little did they know that their little girl was dying inside
-Idk what’s worse.. anxiety attacks or panic attacks
-You know it’s getting bad when you start self harming in your sleep
-I’m a waste of space
-I’m not worth it
-I guess I’m just trash
-Why am I alive?
-I’m so alone
-I always only let people down
-I’m so rejected
-I need to control my pain
-They look at you and say “oh she’s so happy” when you are really dying inside
-I just have to pretend everything is okay
-I just want someone to think I’m beautiful
-Death is an easy way out I’m willing to take
-How much longer do I have to go on suffering?
-I need someone to love me
-Nothing can help my aching soul
-I’m already dead
-No one cares
-Is anybody listening?
-I pour my heart out into others and I get nothing back
-No one cares about me anymore.. so why should I?
-Will anyone save me?
-I don’t remember the last time I was happy
-My demons in my head are telling me to die
-I can’t silence the voices
-What did I do to deserve this pain?
Confusion is not from God, but from the enemy. So if people are confused they are, simply put, under an attack from the enemy. Many of them have believed lies that the enemy has drilled into their heads. I saw so many of these kind of lies expressed in this girl’s tweets.
-What are some lies that the devil puts in people’s minds? (discussion)
-“there is no God”
-“nobody cares about me”
-“I am worthless”
-“I can’t ever be happy again”
-“I am a lost cause”
-“I am a waste of space and I am using up valuable oxygen”
-“it’s always my fault”
-“I am invisible”
-“God doesn’t love me (He actually hates me for the things I’ve done)”
-“I can’t change because I was born that way”
Sometimes the hurting people and the confused people are one in the same. Sometimes they are mean and hateful. Sometimes they are quiet and seem to be invisible. Sometimes they are yelling and cussing at you. Sometimes they are purposely burying their face in their smartphone to avoid human contact. They are everywhere you look! To use an expression an old college friend of mine used to use, “You can’t swing a dead cat without hitting one of them!” Jesus never had to look far. Jesus didn’t advertise on the TV or radio and he didn’t put up flyers or post on social media where He was heading, but oddly, the people always seemed to find Him. He could hardly every get away from the crowds even when He needed to. When we begin to catch on to Jesus’ style of ministry, I believe people will start finding us as well. Everything Jesus did pointed people to His Father. When we begin to minister to people the way He did, we will be able to point them to our heavenly father as well. And the great thing is that there is not a need we have that He can’t meet!
I was Googling something recently when I got sidetracked by watching Google’s autofill as I began typing in the search field. It got me curious so I started playing around with words and phrases. It is interesting to see what some of the most popular searches are. It sometimes speaks volumes. Here is some of what discovered:
-(Trivia) When typing into Google:
-“prayers”- the top auto-fills are: of illumination, for peace, of thanksgiving,
-“prayers for”- the top auto-fills are: peace, children, the sick, and healing
-“why doesn’t God”- the top auto-fills are: show himself, answer my prayers,
love me, destroy Satan
-“why didn’t God”- the top auto-fills are: just kill Satan, create us perfect,
help me, heal Paul
-“I’m mad at God because”- the top auto-fills are: I’m single, He hates me, He
first loved me
-“God doesn’t love me because”- the top auto-fills are: I’m gay.
-“God doesn’t love me”- the top ARTICLE is:
-If God knows I’m hurting, why doesn’t He help me?
I recently ran across a letter online. I think it gives us a little insight as to how we as Christians, as church-goers, are missing the mark.
(Letter) I wish I could say that I believe in Jesus Christ, that He loves me and cares, but I no longer believe that. From a mother who is vicious and has wrecked my adoptive family to the death of my adoptive brother, I no longer believe. I even find myself wondering if God really exists. I look around at all the Christians who say that they help people who don’t know how to ask for it, but they have not even noticed my pain. If God loved or cared for me, He’d at least help, wouldn’t He? But no help has come! Why? God doesn’t love me! —Anna
Since this week’s lesson is a little long, I decided to publish it in more than one post. I will post the next part soon.